In solidarity with the striking writers in the United States, Clarkshaw is officially “off the clock,” and on the psychic picket line on the edge of a crab nebula. The Megaplan will resume when Dr. Clarkshaw is assured of a viable program of financial compensation in new media. In the meantime, check your aura:
Here now the thrilling conclusion of my exhaustive Vision Quest chronicle, complete with important, soul-shifting tips on how you too can experience that most sacred of visions, quest-style!
Again, this is the conclusion of my annual unnannounced late summer/early fall vision quest - the beginning is here, and you can read the collected saga here. Now back to the quest…
The Visions Begin.
The Forest undulates before Me, a bright, welcoming green…
You can hear the late great Warren Zevon singing through the trees…
“…And his hair was perfect…”
The late afternoon sun is shining through the treetops. There’s a squirrel, chasing a rabbit. There’s a bluebird on my shoulder.
It’s the truth, I can see that now… it’s factual….
Everything is Satisfactual.
Breathing it in… and breathing it out…
It feels good.
If only if it weren’t for these darn clothes!
Tip #5: Feel free to take off your clothes.
That’s better. I lean back into the great tree’s solid embrace, hearing the whip-poor-wills descending, the night shade blooming, the late great Warren Zevon, now doing some more obscure material. Let’s try something different, actually… Maybe a little Teddy Pendergrass. There, that’s more like it…
Here, finally, is the thrilling continuation of my vision quest chronicle, complete with important, soul-shifting tips on how you too can experience that most sacred of visions, quest-style!
The car pulls away, leaving me alone on the country road. There is a path that leads away from the asphalt and into the forest. It is this path that I must walk. I can feel it in my my mind, my heart, my genitalia.
“Alicia!” I call out after my personal secretary (the delightful Alicia Vanderhosen), “Don’t leave me here in this godforsaken wilderness!”
But it is too late. The Prius has long vanished down that country road. The cell phone reception in the area is unaccommodating. There is, quite simply, no turning back. I must travel forth. I must embrace the mystery. I stare down the path ahead, seeing it wind its way into a dense, thorny brush.
I am afraid.
Afraid of what may lie ahead. Afraid of the choices I must face. Afraid of what thorns and shrubbery may attack my overly sensitive skin.
Tip #1: Bring moisturizer, and lots of it.
I begin down the trail, in the heat of the afternoon sun, searching for answers without questions, and vice versa. Before long, the path dips into craggy hillside caked in mud. It hits me like a ton of bricks… I should have worn shoes.
Tip #2: Wear shoes.
I follow a gentle stream for a spell, letting my consciousness follow the school of minnows making their way through the water. I breathe in the fresh country air. I close my eyes and feel the water between my toes. I am on the right path. The answers lie ahead. …And so too the questions. But jesus, am I f**king hungry or what? I’m not of the view that one must starve oneself for enlightenment: that’s why we have narcotics and web sites. Seriously, I could really go for a lentil burger about now. Or a yeast steak. Or some of these.
Tip #3: Bring a picnic lunch.
Having found an abundance of small berries to sate my hunger, I climb the other side of the riverbed to find a majestic tree at the top of the hillside. It stares out proudly at a sea of foliage, its branches stretching up towards unseen stars. A fleeting glance reveals that the roots of this tree reach deep into The Power of Me.
The tree has summoned me.
I shall sit, like Siddhartha before me, and await enlightenment. Which is good, because the berries aren’t sitting well, and I could use a “time out”.
I begin my meditation, inhaling the wisdoms of nature and exhaling the stresses of the workaday world. Inhaling the tree, the grass, the stream, the sky…. Exhaling the hotel bill, the confusion at the rental car desk, the harassment charges…
I take root with the tree… surrendering to its strong arms. The forest comes alive around me, in astonishing detail and vivid colour. I can see, clearly now, that the forest and I are one.
I am also fairly certain that the berries I have consumed contain certain hallucinogenic properties. Either that, or the psilocybian fungi I consumed at the breakfast buffet* is starting to take effect. In any case, the “vision” portion of this quest is definitely underway…
Tip #4: While psycho-active substances have long played a part in various shamanistic and indigenous vision quest traditions, I would advise against mixing unidentified berries with psilocybian fungi.
To Be Continued…
* Not included with the meal.
Hold the mind mail - I feel your pain and anxiety. Many of you out there in the cosmic e-sphere are understandably miffed that it’s taken me so long to return with Part II of my Vision Quest chronicle. When last I wrote, I had just returned from my annual unannounced late summer vision quest, and I was feeling rejuvenated in mind, body, and spirit, eager to tell my tale…
There is a perfectly good explanation for this delay. No sooner had I relayed the first part of my inspirational saga then I found myself the victim of a terrible, freakish accident. I am out of harm’s immediate path, but my Yogi* has informed me of the accident’s unfortunate complication - I have fractured my aura. The path to healing has begun, but this couldn’t have come at a worse time - the fall seminar tour is fast approaching, and the Clarkshaw Institute is in the middle of a major renovation. As for the accident, I assure you that it occurred in the midst of wholesome spiritual uplift, and not, as it has been reported on several venomous blogs, in a sex dungeon. I think there is a good case to be made that wholesome spiritual uplift can quite naturally occur in a sex dungeon, but that, perhaps, is for another day.
The vision quest will (possibly) resume soon, along with important mentalnological news, midweek meditations and more.
I am receiving your outpouring of sympathies and well wishes in psychic anticipation, and I thank you.
Yours in healing,
Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw
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* yes, even Doctors have Doctors!
Hello friends and fellow searchers,
I write this with a renewed sense of spiritual purpose and vigor.
Last week, you see, revealed itself to be the “right time” for my annual unannounced late summer vision quest, and I had to heed that most powerful of calls.
I trust you all received the mass “mind-mail” I issued upon my exit from the civilization, and summoned your own “midweek meditation” from within. If you did not receive the mind-mail… you need to try harder. Get those receptors going. Do your exercises. If you got the mind-mail but could not open the attachment - don’t worry, these things take time.
It had been a difficult week for yours truly. A number of pressing issues - personal, professional, legal - had me feeling a little low… A little out of touch with The Power of Me.
But how, you ask? How could Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw - the original “guru of getting it together” …the brilliant, much-adored master of advanced mentalnogy… the author of numerous top-selling booklets and - perhaps more importantly - the creator of Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s Monday-thru-Friday Power of Me Megaplan …How could this exceptional, extraordinary, sexually gifted man have a bad week?
Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw is currently out of the office for his annual unannounced late summer vision quest. Please check back again soon for exciting news about wellness, interdependency and sexnological advance.
Painting “Cosmic Fish” by Stevon Lucero.
Hi.
How are you?
How are you doing?
How are you being?
It’s time to indulge in our little midweek meditation.
Are you ready?
Then let’s begin.
First, find yourself a sacred space.
With wireless.
Center yourself.
Breathing in, and breathing out.
Summer is here.
It’s all around you.*
Feel its heat.
Even as it burns, it fades…
The cycle of the seasons, always in rotation.
Autumn glimmers on the horizon, like a casino under construction.
Like a setting sun.
Picture that setting sun.
Feel its heat on your skin.
Feel the sand between your toes.
Hear the waves, crashing against the shore.
Breathing in, and breathing out.
You’re hearing now a faint melody.
A familiar tune…
Carrying in the summer breeze…
Roxxxxxxxxxxxxanne…
You don’t have to put on the red light.
Those days are over.
You don’t have to sell your body to the night….
A distant whip-poor-will sings along.
A shooting star streaks against the sky.
A police siren slowly closes in.
Breathing it all in…
Letting it fill you up…
Up…
…with the Power of Me.
And shake it out.
And Repeat.
Keep Searching!
Yours sincerely,
Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw
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*Unless you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case you should adjust the Hemisphere Setting on your Official Dr.Kenneth Clock-shaw to receive these Midweek Meditations on the proper schedule.
Hello friends,
Before we delve into the matter of Your Midweek Meditation, I’d like to take a moment and thank everyone for making last week’s Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s Monday-Thru-Friday Power of Me Megaplan such a sensational success. The response we had here at the Clarkshaw Institute was overwhelming! In fact, due to this incredible popular demand, we are even considering another Megaplan for the important autumnal months, when more people are prone to doing genuine work, and not just body-surfing and picnic-having.
I ‘m currently embroiled in a little bit of semantic guff down here at the Banburgen Instititute for Radical Foreplay in Southern Hills, Colorado, which means Your Midweek Meditation will be a brief one today. Are you ready? Here we go.
Breathing in, and breathing out…
Looking at this:
And saying to ourselves:
I believe in The Power of Me.
I believe in Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s ability to summon The Power of Me from within the depths of my soul.
I will consider investing in a vast, welcoming compound for The Clarkshaw Institute.
I will believe in myself.
Breathing in, and breathing out….
And you’re back to your day…
Feeling refreshed and rejuvenated!
Until next time,
Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw
Note: for additional assistance with your Wednesday, click here.
Welcome back… to the week that’s going to change your life!
All you have to do is read this post, and follow the simple suggestions below. Then you’re one step closer… closer to The Power of Me….
So this it.
The final day of Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s Monday-Thru-Friday Power of Me Megaplan*.
I know, it’s hard.
It’s always hard to say goodbye.
We’ve come so far together.
We’ve seen so much.
We’ve loved so intensely.
But the end of the Megaplan is just the beginning of your journey.
Remember that.
Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
We’ve got one more day.
One more day to ready you for the rest of your amazing journey into selfhood.
Friday.
A day so beautiful it could have only been named after the Goddess of Beauty.
In Hindu, she is Shukra.
In German, Freyja.
To Sir Peter O’ Toole and many others, she is Venus.
And the end of the work week is indeed a beautiful thing.
But rest assured, there is still work to be done.
Let’s do it. Together.
YOUR POWER OF ME FRIDAY:
1) WELCOME THE SUN
There is nothing like watching the sun rise over the desert - which is where you would have awoken if you followed Thursday’s Megaplan like you were supposed to. If you’re not in the desert, well, I must admit I’m a little disappointed, but what’s done is done. You can still watch the sunrise.
Watching the sun rise, be aware of the sun rising within you as well. We must be aware of how our spirit and soul are connected to the movements of the cosmos. If you are reading this after the sun has already risen… again, I’m a little disappointed, but all is not lost: Try renting a video in which the sun rises and watching that. Perhaps Tequila Sunrise. Or Before Sunrise… but if you go with that one, I’d recommend skipping to the very end.
2) TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF THEM
Throughout life, we must constantly separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to our friends and colleagues: it is a means of purifying our personal environment and enabling our mentalogical development.
Throughout the week, you have no doubt come into contact with a lot of people - some who have helped you (contentifiers) and others who have attempted to impede your personal development (conflicterizers). Now is the time for you to tell contentifiers and conflicterizers alike what you really think of them. A workplace cafeteria would be a great venue for this, or a parents day at your child’s (overpriced) school. If you’re still lost in the desert, try a vivid hallucination.
When berating your conflicterizers, think of yourself as the nasty British judge on a reality show. That means you can say things like “Horrid” and “Ghastly” and “You dress like a whore.”
If you’re having trouble summoning the nerve to “let ‘em have it,” a few glasses of wine might help. If the crowd turns on you and things threaten to get ugly, start running.
3) ATTAIN TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT
I know what you’re thinking. “Dr. Clarkshaw, I’m one task away from completing Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s Monday-Thru-Friday Power of Me Megaplan and I’m running for my life from an angry mob and/or hallucinating while lost in a vast desert. What gives?”
Well, first of all, you brought it on yourself. Secondly, this is what it’s all about. No journey would be worth taking if it were easy. Who would want to go an airplane ride without turbulence, or an ocean liner without an iceberg? Nobody would. Anyhow, here’s what we’re gonna do:
I need you to find yourself a safe place. I need you to stop running.
Take a minute, clean yourself up. Take a nice, long shower… clean the sand from your orifices. Lather yourself generously, caress and cleanse.
Light some incense. Dim the lights. Assume the position.
Breathing in. Breathing out.
Think about each day of the week. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.
See yourself getting stronger with each day. More powerful. More in tune with the universe.
Feel The Power of Me filling you up - deeply - intensely - hungrily.
That’s it. Just like that.
You’re getting closer… and closer still…
You’re just about there.
You’re–Hold on a second.
Someone’s at the door.
Uh oh.
Listen. I need to ask you a favour.
If anyone asks, I was here with you all this week, remember?
Especially Thursday.
It’s the truth, after all. You’re not making anything up.
Just remember - all this week.
Okay, great job. I mean it. You did great.
Just visit back regularly, and make sure you’re fully equipped to continue your journey.
And remember - we were together every day this week.
Until we meet again,
Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw
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* Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw again urges you to consult your family physician before undertaking Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw’s Monday-Thru-Friday Power of Me Megaplan.
_______________________________________
NEXT WEEK: Your Midweek Meditations begin! Starting Wednesday, right here at the online sweat lodge of Dr. Kenneth Clarkshaw, The Power of Me.
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